How to create a bad website

Working in web design, we are often amazed at the amount of bad websites in existence. Lack or research, care and investment leads to a crappy website  - and many website owners choose this route over putting the time and effort into finding the best design agency for the job.

But here's the thing - if you're going to invest in something cheap and lousy, why not make it stand out by being the cheapest and lousiest? Here's our guide to standing out from the rest of the crappy website crowd - believe us when we say anyone can do it.

Start with a splash page

Someone has somehow found your crummy website on page 10 of Google and have decided to pay you a visit. Why make it quick and easy for them to see what they want? A pretty splash page with a welcome message and enter button is a sure fire way of making people feel unwelcome and unlikely to enter.

Go colour and font crazy

There is a whole spectrum of colours out there, so why stick to just a couple of well chosen tones in a tasteful colour scheme. If the colour scheme of your website isn't causing people to have photosensitive epileptic seizures, then it just isn't crap enough.

Similarly why stick to a clear well chosen font? Having 5 of 6 different fonts per page will work beautifully with your eclectic colour scheme to produce migraines, frustration and confusion from your website visitors.

No calls to action

They key to a truly rubbish website is knowing exactly what you want your visitors to do - and making it as obscure as possible. Clear call to action buttons are for good websites.  The action you want your visitors to take should be buried five pages in. Safes should be easier to crack.

Make it hard to navigate

Good websites should have a clear journey - an easy to find and use navigation that makes it clear where you are in the website and where you can go. A crap website should be like a maze. Try moving the navigation bar on every page. In fact why have a navigation bar at all? Think of your site as a treasure hunt, except there is no treasure. Only pain.

Slow loading times

You have lots of options to achieve this desired crappy affect. Building entire sections website in flash, using tables, filling your site with needless large images and choosing a bad web host will all contribute to a frustratingly slow load time. These technique will also ensure your website looks crap too, killing two birds with one stone.

Rubbish content

Writing good content is hard. With a crappy website, you don't even have to write it at all - just copy and paste other people's content. It will annoy the source of the content, the search engines and your visitors. Other alternatives include writing too much, writing too little, poor grammar and constantly talking about yourself rather than what you offer.

Don't update

By now your website should be looking pretty hideous - so the next step is to make sure you keep it that way. Don't update it with any news or information that might help customers or aid your SEO rankings.

Finishing touches

Just to seal your position as King of crap websites, add a visitor counter so everyone can see how few people have visited your site. And just to make sure nobody stays very long, why not surprise visitors with automatically playing music with a hard to locate stop button.

And there you have it. Some simple ways to ensure your website is the worst of the worst. It's a hell of a lot easier than trying to be the best.

However, with all the other crap websites out there, the only real way to stand out (and for the right reasons) is to have a beautifully designed website that meets both yours and your customer's objectives.

When you're ready to cut the crap, contact us.